It’s important to emphasize that feeling lonely doesn’t equate to being alone, as loneliness entails a sense of isolation even when surrounded by others.
According to available statistics, teenagers and young adults have never been more lonely and depressed. At first glance, this seems somewhat paradoxical, leading us to question: How is this possible? The youth are educated, engaged in social activities, sports, and have families… they have it all, so what’s missing? Yes, they might have everything, but at the same time, they have nothing. Spending a considerable amount of time in London for professional education, colleagues often complain that they can’t keep up with the overwhelming workload. They tell me that in the UK, even five out of ten young individuals aged 15 to 25 feel lonely, anxious, and distressed. They describe their state as sadness, being misunderstood, fearing the future, experiencing loneliness due to a lack of companionship and conversation. In other words, they feel detached from the rest of the world.
Consequences of loneliness
What particularly alarmed me, and this can be backed by research findings, is that the repercussions of loneliness are not just psychological, but medical as well. In terms of psychological effects, it primarily involves emotional aspects such as anxiety, depression, and an increased risk of suicide. Furthermore, the consequences manifest as an inability to self-regulate, leading to emotional overeating, excessive alcohol consumption, substance abuse, drug use, pornography, gambling, etc. All of these act as escapes from the deep sense of emptiness. Additionally, there’s a growing issue of poor sleep and insomnia, which in turn negatively impacts cognition, concentration, attention, clear thinking, emotional numbness, and reduced academic/work productivity. Medical consequences can manifest as elevated cholesterol levels, hypertension, obesity, digestive and skin problems. Moreover, there’s an increased risk of immune system problems (immune system decline), frequent infections, and inflammation. When it comes to alcohol, drug, and pornography (even “occasional weekend use”), there’s a significant potential for developing addiction, which ultimately transforms into a state of general chaos and horror, both for the addict and their family.
What causes loneliness among young people?
These are mainly: the loss of a loved one or someone to whom the individual is deeply emotionally attached – death, breakup, divorce, job loss, leaving the community, city, or country they live in. All of these losses can trigger various anxiety disorders and depression. The feeling of exclusion by peers or the community comes next, which contributes to the development of low self-esteem, feeling less valuable, and a lack of acceptance by others.
The feeling of loneliness ranks third. It’s important to note that feeling lonely doesn’t mean the same thing as being alone, as loneliness represents a feeling of solitude even when other people are present. Therefore, loneliness is essentially a perceived, individual experience that implies a sense of alienation and isolation. Vulnerable to this are teenagers and young adults due to their typical developmental path – this life phase involves building and developing a sense of identity and discovering “who am I and what’s my place in the world.” Usually, it’s a very stressful and confusing period marked by losses or changes in relationships with others, which negatively impacts young people since they haven’t yet developed coping skills to handle life challenges and situations effectively. Also, their brains aren’t fully developed to regulate the intensity of emotions when they’re overwhelmed. Additionally, at this age, they aren’t capable of using their higher, rational abilities to effectively regulate their feelings, reactions, and impulses.
Overcoming the feeling of loneliness: Strategies for all ages
There are several methods that can be employed by not only young individuals but anyone feeling lonely.
- Understanding loneliness
As I’ve highlighted earlier, there are reasons why one might feel lonely even when surrounded by others. Therefore, it’s crucial to comprehend that loneliness is a subjective and personal experience, as not everyone feels this way. Some individuals are naturally melancholic, and if they feel lonely even in company, it’s possible that they lacked empathetic communication with close ones who encouraged connection and understanding. Once the cause of loneliness is identified, overcoming this feeling becomes more attainable.
- Addressing negative thoughts
Despite hearing people who resign themselves to life, saying, “What can be done? It’s my fate!” This isn’t a correct mindset. If loneliness is viewed as something predetermined, it can lead to a lack of motivation or a self-fulfilling prophecy. Remember, your thoughts aren’t facts. Thus, challenging specific negative thoughts and beliefs about feeling lonely can contribute to understanding how exaggerated they might be. For example: “Nobody loves me” or “Why bother fitting in when everyone already prefers someone else.” These are examples of our thoughts that are either exaggerated or incorrect. The goal of addressing such thoughts is to identify the ones that are distorted or magnified and then work with a therapist to change them.
- Volunteering and helping others
This can be done spontaneously or through organized means by joining a local organization. This way, physical isolation is avoided, and connecting with others while doing something good leads to a sense of relief. Moreover, helping others triggers the release of “love hormone” oxytocin in the brain, which is vital for a sense of connection with others. It’s also proven to act against anxiety and depressive disorders.
- Engaging in art and creativity
From reading quality and interesting books to writing, painting, immersing oneself in music, etc., all of these activities can help divert our thoughts from loneliness. Not only that, they can improve our mood as well. In conclusion, the feeling of loneliness isn’t pleasant at all and sometimes requires conscious effort to overcome. However, with personal commitment, investment, and self-improvement with the help of others, there are undoubtedly ways to rise above it, without sinking deeper into depression or any other mental state that would demand even more time, effort, care, medication, etc.
