If sex has truly fallen to the bottom of your priority list, but your partner is still trying to connect, it may be time to meet halfway. There are many factors that contribute to building a strong and happy relationship: communication, trust, kindness, and yes, sex.
However, it’s not necessarily the readiness to have sex three times a night that brings a couple closer. A new study has found that sexual responsiveness plays a significant role in the quality of the relationship and satisfaction, as reported by the New York Post.
What is sexual responsiveness? The study, published in the journal Current Opinion in Psychology, defined it as “understanding, adapting, and being willing or motivated to meet a partner’s sexual desires.” The study authors found that when two people mutually support each other by responding to each other’s desires and needs in the bedroom – what they call “high sexual communal strength” – it is associated with greater sexual desire and satisfaction and, even better, greater overall relationship satisfaction.
Why is sex so powerful? Couples therapist and sexologist Isiah McKimmie says that sex offers a unique way for couples to connect in their relationship. “For many people, sex is an important way to feel loved and connected,” she says, “It signifies intimacy that most couples don’t have with others. Relationships in couples strengthen when partners respond to each other’s ‘bids for connection.’ Touch and sexual initiation are ways partners make efforts in the relationship.”
The concept of sexual responsiveness leading to increased intimacy and satisfaction sounds good, but what does it look like in practical terms? McKimmie says it’s about being willing to respond to your partner’s sexual desires and needs. “It could look like your partner initiating sex, making an effort to prioritize sex, or being open to your partner’s sexual interests,” she says.
The more your partner’s needs and interests differ from yours, the greater the benefits, according to the study. For those dealing with sexual issues or past traumas, the study found that satisfaction levels are even higher when the partner is sensitive to those specific circumstances. This is because it requires even more vulnerability and security, McKimmie argues.
“I assume that the higher satisfaction rates are because those who have experienced past trauma often need to feel safe and have their partner respond to them in order to be sexually vulnerable,” she says, “Sexual responsiveness and understanding go both ways.”
