The age-old question that spans both past and present times is whether opposites attract, or if we’re more inclined to be drawn to those similar to us. Finding an answer from personal experiences might be challenging, as we’ve encountered situations where we’re attracted to someone vastly different from us, while also being drawn to individuals who seem so similar that we feel like we’ve known them “forever.” So, what does science have to say about this?
As social beings, we’re naturally inclined to interact with others, leading to the establishment and maintenance of relationships. However, attraction stands as a fundamental driver behind forging these connections. Attraction is defined as having positive feelings toward a person and a propensity to be in their company (Hewstone & Stroebe, 2003). Several factors contribute to mutual attraction, with key components being proximity, physical attractiveness, similarity, mutual liking, and the rewards a relationship can offer.
Proximity
When it comes to proximity, more connections are formed among individuals who are physically close, share the same space, and aren’t far apart from each other. Physical proximity allows for more frequent interactions and contact with certain individuals, thereby increasing the likelihood of forming friendships (Aronson et al., 2005). This effect of proximity was demonstrated by Festinger and colleagues (1950) in a study involving married students who were randomly assigned apartments in a residential complex. The students didn’t know each other beforehand. After a period of time, it was shown that more friendships were formed among individuals within the same building compared to those in other buildings (Festinger et al., 1950).
There are several reasons why proximity leads to attraction (Hewstone & Stroebe, 2003):
- Fewer obstacles to developing a friendship with someone who’s close by.
- Greater exposure to a person leads to more data collection about them, revealing common interests and attitudes.
- Mere exposure effect: The more exposed a person is to a stimulus, the more likely they are to like it.
Physical attractiveness
Despite the adage “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” the decision to enter a friendly or romantic relationship often hinges on a person’s physical appearance. Recognizing the importance of physical attractiveness, initial research in this area began in social psychology. These studies examined the stereotype that “what is beautiful is good,” and it was shown that participants attributed socially desirable qualities to physically attractive individuals; they believed such individuals made good parents, had prestigious jobs, and happier marriages, perceiving them as leading happier lives (Dion, Berscheid, & Walster, 1972).
However, concerning physical attractiveness, research has also been conducted to understand partner selection. One such study indicated that we choose partners based on what we can offer, meaning we’re drawn to individuals who are similar to us in terms of intelligence, popularity, social desirability, and physical attractiveness (Taylor et al., 2011).
Drawing from personal experience and various studies, including those mentioned above, we can conclude that physical attractiveness is indeed important. However, it’s not solely about physical looks; it encompasses other factors as well.
Similarity
Proximity and physical attractiveness are crucial factors that prompt us to notice and connect with someone. Yet, for that connection to evolve into a potential romantic relationship, something more is required. One of the most vital factors is similarity. Similarity involves aligning one’s interests, values, attitudes, and even personality traits with those possessed by another person (Aronson et al., 2005). A study conducted with students in a dormitory revealed that similar demographic characteristics, attitudes, and values predicted the formation of friendships among these students (Newcomb, 1961, cited in Aronson et al., 2005).
There are explanations as to why we tend to engage in relationships and romantic connections with people who are similar to us. One such explanation involves self-verification. Similarity is crucial in fostering attraction because it reinforces our own beliefs and attitudes. We tend to like those who like us back, and we enjoy interacting with individuals who are drawn to us and whom we’re attracted to. This interaction that confirms our beliefs provides a sense of validation (Sprechter et al., 2013).
Mutual liking
Mutual liking is another factor that determines whether we’ll enter a romantic relationship with someone. Mutual liking operates such that when we learn that someone is attracted to us, we begin to reciprocate that attraction. If we believe someone is interested in us, we’ll behave in ways that cultivate that attraction. This behavior will then lead to us actually becoming likable to that person, resulting in a self-fulfilling prophecy (Curtis & Miller, 1986, cited in Aronson et al., 2005).
Moreover, research has shown that we’re more attracted to individuals who have changed their opinion of us. If someone initially had a negative opinion of us but then changed it to a positive one, we’re more likely to be attracted to that person compared to someone who has always held a positive opinion of us (Aronson & Linder, 1965).
Rewards of the relationship
The aforementioned factors play a role in deciding whether we’ll form friendly or romantic relationships. However, relationships with others can also be rewarding. When we question why we associate with someone or why we’re in a relationship, the answer often lies in the emotions we experience when in that person’s company. According to a reinforcement and affective state model, we like people who reward us or are associated with positive feelings (Byrne & Clore, 1970, cited in Pennington, 2001).
Rewards aren’t the sole factor in this scenario that influences our liking for a person. According to the theory of social exchange, our feelings about our relationships depend on our perception of gains and losses in the relationship, the kind of relationship we believe we deserve, and the likelihood of having a better relationship with someone else (Aronson et al., 2005). Gains refer to behaviors we find appealing in someone, while losses refer to negative aspects of the relationship. Positive feelings arise when there’s a balance between gains and losses (Aronson et al., 2005).
In Conclusion – Mutual attraction involves intricate relationships, and it’s not always easy to decide whether to enter a romantic relationship. Yet, on the other hand, it may seem like these decisions are straightforward. When all factors are met, decisions about relationships might be made easily and without much contemplation.
After reading the text, it seems that science tends to lean towards the second option presented at the beginning: “Birds of a feather flock together.” In other words, forming a relationship with someone often requires physical attraction, proximity, shared attitudes, interests, and sometimes even personality traits. It also involves the belief that the other person is attracted to us. Moreover, a potential relationship with that person should bring rewards, such as positive emotions.
Returning to the initial question of whether opposites attract or whether similar individuals are drawn to each other, what answer would you give now?
